Begin Again
by CheyBaby
Summary: It's funny how a love story just appears out of nowhere. What happens when Cassandra warms up to Rachel a little and they meet for coffee? Will they finally see their sexual tension/love perfection or will they hate each other ever more?
1. Begin Again

_**This is unbeta'd so please no torches! This is just a little thing that hit me in the car earlier. I really wanted to write something for my birthday yesterday (the 3rd) but we spent all day in the arcade and I just wasn't inspired so a few hours late is okay with me. I really hope you guys enjoy this. It's not a couple I normally write but I decided to step out of the box. Enjoy and review and I might write more! **_

Rachel took in a deep breath as she stared at herself in the mirror. She gently smoothed the invisible wrinkles in her simple white dress, rocked forward on the tips of her heels, and slipped her headphones into her ears. She contemplated changing for only a moment before confidently striding out of the loft she shared with Kurt and Santana.

She was unbelievable nervous. Finn had never liked her in heels which resulted in ballet flats and a ridiculous appearance but she'd always loved them. She delighted in the burning of her calf as she walked, the extra few inches that put her eye level with most people, and the sex appeal. He didn't get most things about her though, like the song blasting through her headphones. He never understood how someone could be so lonely or why someone would write about it. She did.

Rachel turned her music off, shoving her headphones into her purse, and walked into the café. Rachel surveyed the area looking for the perfect table but instead found herself being waved over. "I assumed you'd be late."

"Schwimmer, Schwimmer, Schwimmer, if there is anything that I've taught you since you've been in my class it should be that being late is never acceptable." Cassandra chided as she helped Rachel into her chair, something that had completely astonished the tiny diva. She thought chivalry died out, but the action was definitely appreciated.

"Oh, yes of course." Rachel mocked. "You remind me of Sue Sylvester. She's a ruthless cheerleading coach at McKinley. I'm pretty sure when she looks you in the eyes she's staring into your soul searching for your biggest fears so she can torture you with them." Rachel was entirely confused when Cassandra tipped her head back and let out a loud, genuine chuckle. It sort of reminded her of a little kid who'd just heard their first knock-knock joke.

"That woman is kind of scary, even for me. She comes to NYADA and sits in on a few classes a couple times a year to 'cleanse her palate of whiny, pathetic, untalented little babies'. I admire her skill as a coach though. You've got to be good to win so many national competitions." Cassandra took a sip of her tea and motioned towards a cup of hot coffee Rachel hadn't even noticed.

"Thanks." Rachel whispered shyly. "She's kind of the devil though. However, I have a larger soft spot for her than I should. She used to address me as Streisand quite often and I will never pass up and opportunity to be compared to someone as amazing as Barbra, even if Santana mocks me relentlessly."

"Clearly this girl is insane if she can't recognize a talent as big as Barbra. Everyone likes Barbra at least a little bit but then you have people who obsess and realize just how great she is and sets out to own a copy of every single vinyl record of hers out there. When I finally got the last one to complete my collection everyone thought I was crazy because I just started dancing in the middle of the record store." Rachel grinned. She liked this side of the woman.

"I had a similar reaction when my daddies gave me my last one for Hanukah. By the way, you are pretty crazy. Don't you see yourself in class? You're like a dictator or something." Cassandra tipped her head back again in that laugh Rachel was beginning to love. A smile was forming on Rachel's face so she hid it behind her cup of coffee. She wasn't sure where their interaction was going yet. It could either go really bad or absolutely amazing. Either way, she didn't want to give anything away.

"I've never met anyone who owns as many Streisand records as me, especially so young." Cassandra paused. "I don't understand why you're being so shy."

Rachel blushed and cleared her throat. She considered telling the truth. Why she was so nervous to be around her. Why she thought she wasn't good enough to be in her company but before she could Cassandra spoke again. "I know you're Jewish Schwimmer but do you watch Christmas movies? Every year my family sits down to watch these ridiculous movies, some are old and some are new, but they're always amazing. Do you do that?"

Rachel smiled as her thoughts of one Finn Hudson were thrown out at the realization that the woman in front of her was completely different. She would never be like him and it was completely unfair to compare the two. "No, we don't do that but maybe I will someday."

"Rachel, would you like to have dinner with me?" Cassandra asked with a shy smile that Rachel couldn't help but think out of place on such a beautiful and confident woman.

"You know, for the past eight months I thought all love did was crash and burn and just end but on this Wednesday in this tiny café I've seen that it begins again. Yes, I would love to accompany you to dinner." Rachel beamed at the woman sitting across from her., just weeks prior she believed her to be evil and uptight but now she believed her to be sweet, kind, and beautiful. It's funny how a love story just appears out of nowhere.


	2. Sparks Fly

_**Again, this is not beta'd so please don't hate me! I hope that this is decent and doesn't suck or something but I guess you'll just have to let me know! Enjoy!**_

Rachel wasn't normally the type to run away from a challenge. She lived for challenges. When she was just four she took on the challenge of learning every song from Funny Girl. When she was eight she took on the challenge of studying with the best ballet teacher in all of Lima even though the woman probably should have been committed. When she entered high school she took on the challenge of staying true to herself and not letting someone else determine who she would be. This challenge should not have been any different but it was. It was the most difficult one of them all.

She succeeded in every challenge but one which was why it was so hard to accept what she was facing. Finn changed her and made her into a person she never liked. With Cassie, everything was different. She enjoyed when Rachel shared her eclectic music library with her and she thought it was sexy when Rachel wore high heels. Most importantly, Rachel could speak her mind without having to explain every single thing she said or having to hold her tongue for talk of football or video games.

Rachel knew those things. She knew how different Cassie was to Finn but she knew it was impossible. If Finn and the rest of McKinley high taught her anything it was that no one would stay with her forever and she hated that. She hated what they turned her into, the self-conscious and fragile girl with big dreams of stardom and endless love that were seemingly impossible to achieve.

The sparks were there though, every time their eyes met in class or their hands would brush during a dance. Rachel lived for those moments. They were the moments she felt alive and possible. They were the moments that made her believe anything is possible. They were the moments that propelled her forward into something she never agreed too.

"I didn't think you were going to make it." Cassie smiled and pulled out a chair for Rachel and the sparks flew. It was that smile and that simple act of chivalry that made Rachel's heart leap, made her recognize the symptoms. This was a challenge she didn't know if she could ever accomplish but she was damn sure going to try.

"I'm not late am I?" Rachel asked shyly as she crossed her legs and placed her napkin in her lap.

"Well, actually, you're just on time. I was just afraid you weren't going to come." Cassie admitted with a shy glance in Rachel's direction.

"I try to stick to my commitments. My dad's steadily encouraged that and I must admit that it is something I have come to greatly appreciate them for." Rachel picked up her menu, blocking her embarrassment from the other woman. She always spoke too much.

"It's definitely a great quality but you've got a lot of those." Rachel peeked over the top of her menu and her heart melted at that adorable grin Cassie gave when she caught Rachel looking at her which was more often than Rachel cared to admit.

"Thanks." Rachel whispered and went back to her menu until the waiter arrived at their table.

"What can I get you ladies tonight?" He asked.

"I'll have the low calorie sandwich with pastrami and water please." Cassie flashed a smile and handed over her menu.

"I want the house salad, dressing on the side and water as well please." Rachel closed her menu and handed it to the waiter.

"I'll be right back with those drinks." The waiter said as he hurried away from the table and Rachel sighed. The last time she'd been alone with the woman sitting across from her had been in the same little café but there was something different. When they met before it was supposedly to talk about class but considering they never did Rachel was positive it was just a set up. This time was different though. Cassie had asked her to dinner with intentions that were definitely not school related and that made Rachel nervous.

"What are you thinking about?" Cassie asked as she slowly slid her hand across the table to take Rachel's hand.

Rachel sucked in a deep breath at the contact. She hated how one touch, one look, one laugh could melt her heart. When Finn broke up with her she put a guard up but it proved useless with Cassie. She somehow managed to slip past it and Rachel just couldn't seem to figure it out. "What do you want out of this?"

"What do you mean? I want dinner of course." Cassie shot back with false innocence.

"I'm serious, what do you want out of this? We sneak glances at each other in class, we find reasons to make contact, we hold hands, we meet for coffee, and we go out to dinner. What do you want from this?" Rachel asked again.

"Why are you worrying about that? You're young, isn't this time supposed to be about having fun and not worrying about what's going to happen in the future? Just let this be whatever it is right now and we'll figure out what more it is when it happens." Cassie pleaded.

"I don't have time to be young and stupid. I don't want to go back to high school where I'm being used and thrown away. I just need to know where this is going right now so I'm not tricked into thinking it's something more." Rachel sighed and extracted her hand from Cassie's as the waiter placed their food in front of them but she found that she wasn't all that hungry anymore.

Cassie sighed and slipped into the chair next to Rachel's to caress the younger woman's cheek with her thumb. "Rachel, right now this is us getting to know each other beyond NYADA. I hope that someday we will move into more but right now let's enjoy these moments, alright?"

"Alright." Rachel mumbled as her eyes slipped from the hazel eyes boring into her to the alluring lips smirking at her. Cassie leaned forward, connecting their lips in a long overdue battle of passion, uncertainty, and sparks.

It was in that moment that Rachel knew she was done for. She was falling for the woman and she had no other choice but to hold on and enjoy the ride. She also realized that it was probably best that, even though it hurt, Finn broke her heart. When Cassie finally pulled away, with plenty of resistance from Rachel, she asked, "Shall we eat?"


	3. Love Story

_**Here's the next chapter! Tell me what you think and enjoy!**_

Most people think love stories are simple. They start out with resistance, then progress to the cute falling in love stage, then an epic mistake that results in anger and hatred, and eventually comes forgiveness, undying love and happily ever after. Everyone has that desire for a storybook ending or a movie moment but it's never that simple. There's always more to it than we see on screen. Real life has a way of being much more severe than a movie.

For Rachel, it was like living in the middle of Funny Girl while getting to feel like Juliet even if she felt slightly guilty for making Cassie out to be the man. Unlike most girls she enjoyed the stolen glances, the lingering touches, and the secret meetings. She didn't understand why no one liked it, it was exhilarating.

However, she did not enjoy the endless questioning from Kurt and Santana. After the first few times of being almost an hour late she took to leaving two hours early but she wasn't the only one who progressed to extreme measures.

Walking or running from tree to tree in the middle of Central Park was Kurt and Santana following their roommate and best friend, Rachel. "Where the hell is she going?" Santana whispered angrily.

"I don't know but be quiet, we don't want her to hear us or we'll never find out." Kurt demanded as he stopped at the next tree.

"I think I see someone down there. Come on, let's go!" Santana grinned as she raced to the next tree, not entirely worried if Kurt is following her or not.

After a few more trees they finally settle a good distance away and wait. "This has to be serious if she's lying about where she's going. What if it's some really old guy or something?" Kurt asked, obviously disgusted by the thought.

The figure stood as Rachel finally approached and bent down to kiss the tiny diva. "Shut up Kurt. It's obviously a woman. I can't believe Berry's finally playing for our team, took her long enough."

Kurt squinted in an attempt to see the figure better and gasped when he finally realized Santana was right. "I can't believe it! My gaydar is usually spot on."

"I'm going to get closer. I want to find out who it is." Santana whispered and then took off for the next tree.

"No! Wait! Ugh, I hate you!" Kurt whisper yelled as he followed behind the nosy Latina. He still wasn't sure how she roped him into following Rachel but he was sure it was his gossip whore nature reaching back out.

When Santana could make out Rachel's face she stopped and hid behind the tree. Whoever Rachel was with was bent over a picnic basket digging something out so Santana couldn't see who it was just yet. "Why does Berry always go for giants?"

Kurt sucked in deep breaths of air as he struggled to catch his breath from running after Santana. "There probably just isn't anyone short enough that she's attracted to. She's really small Santana."

"How is it that you can belt out notes at length but when it comes to running you're out of breath within a few hundred feet? You make no sense." Santana said with a roll of her eyes.

"I was not made for running Santana. I was made for acting and singing." Kurt stated simply.

"Whatever." Santana mumbled as she glanced back at the couple laughing at something one of them said. "Who is that? She's hot."

"Oh my God." Kurt's hand flew to his mouth as he let out and involuntary squeak.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you trying to get us caught?! Shut up!" Santana demanded.

Kurt slowly lowered his hand and calmly whispered, "I know who that is Santana. That's Cassandra July, Rachel's dance teacher at NYADA."

"Holy shit! What do we do?" Santana questioned.

Kurt shrugged. "Let's go home and we'll confront her there?"

Taking out her phone, Santana snaps a picture of the two of them kissing. "Let's go."

A few hours, a lot of pacing, and a sandwich later Rachel was finally sneaking in. As the small girl began to tiptoe to her portion of the apartment Santana flipped the light on, effectively making Rachel jump. "What the fuck?!"

"We're asking the questions here." Santana demanded as she internally cringed at the insanely lame line.

"What are you talking about Santana?" Rachel sighed and hung her coat on the hook.

"Where were you just now? It's awfully late, isn't it?" It was an odd feeling for Santana, to care so much about the midget but she couldn't help but care for the girl no matter how much it pained her.

Rachel scoffed and slipped her heels off. "That's none of your business Santana. Now, if you'll excuse me I think I am going to sleep."

"How's Cassie?" Santana challenged.

"Did you follow me?" Rachel asked incredulously. She really shouldn't have been surprised. Santana was always doing something insane.

"Of course not." Kurt placated in an attempt to avoid a diva tantrum.

"Of course we did." Santana rolled her eyes at Kurt. "We saw you two together. It's not right Rachel. She could get fired. Do you really want that on your conscious?"

"I'm not stupid Santana. We already worked that part out. Another professor already agreed to grade me. Could you just stay out of it?" Rachel pleaded. She really didn't want Santana screwing up her happiness.

Santana sighed and narrowed her eyes. "What about the whole drunkard thing? Do you really want to be with someone who puts vodka in their water bottles?"

"We're working on that, just stay out of it Santana. I'm an adult and I can handle my own relationships. Now, if you don't mind, goodnight." Rachel stormed off to her room.

Love stories would never be easy, Rachel knew that, but she knew that hers would last. It would be beautiful and she would live happily ever after. There would be bumps but they would work through them because they would be manageable. Their love would change everything.


	4. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

_**Hey guys! Sorry about the previous gap in between updates. My sister graduated from college and so we had to go to Indiana and pick my uncle up which meant 2400 miles in one week. So, please, before any of you review with 'update sooner next time' please reconsider and remember that this story is not my life and tell me what you like, dislike, or would like to see in this story. I hope you enjoy and review. :)**_

Since meeting Cassie, Rachel hadn't thought much of her previous relationships. They were childish compared to what she experienced with Cassie. With Noah it was a way to make Finn jealous and a substitute for the big oaf.

With Finn it was always push and pull but she always seemed to be doing the work. She would change her schedule to fit his. She changed her dress style for him. She took him back after choosing Quinn over her so many times for him. She always felt like she was living in a Taylor Swift song.

With Cassie it was amazing. She never had to worry about being degraded even if that's how they began. She didn't have to change for her. They always managed to fit things together without one having to give something up.

As Rachel bounced around their studio apartment cleaning the already immaculate space she knew she was in love. There was no doubt that she adored the older woman and she was definitely excited to see her that afternoon. Suddenly, the doorbell rang and Rachel happily skipped over and slid it open, the grin on her face vanishing instantly.

"Finn, what are you doing here?" Rachel asked in an obviously disappointed voice.

"I came to see you." Finn said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh, um, is something wrong? Is everyone okay?" Rachel asked, genuine concern coloring her features.

Finn chuckled and readjusted his backpack. "Of course not, everyone is just fine. I missed you and I thought it would be nice to see you. Aren't you happy to see me?" He asked.

"Of course I am. Um, come in I guess. I was actually expecting company but I've got a few minutes before they're expected. Is there a reason you're here, other than you missed me?" Rachel asked, hope tinting her voice.

"Rach, I know we aren't on the best of terms but I really wanted to see you and try to work this out. I love you Rach and I want to be with you." Finn stepped closer to Rachel and grabbed her hand.

"I told you Finn, we can't do this. We've tried this so many times before and it hasn't worked, nothing will change that. It's been really great seeing you but I really hope I am not the only reason you came here." Rachel sighed as she moved to the kitchen area for a bottle of water, not bothering to offer Finn one.

Finn sighed, his features taking on his patented kicked puppy look. "Why can't we just try? We were doing great until Quinn got into the accident."

"I don't mean to be blunt but we are never ever getting back together. We didn't work, end of story." Rachel declared. That was definitely not something she missed about being with Finn.

Finn opened his mouth to undoubtedly make another plea for their relationship when there was a knock on the door. _Saved by the bell, _Rachel thought gleefully. When she opened the door a pair of lips suddenly latched onto her in a passionate vice.

"What the hell Rach!" Finn yelled moving to pull Rachel away from whoever was kissing her. He stopped short upon seeing the older blonde who was wrapped around what he still considered his.

"Who's the oaf?" Cassandra asked giving Finn a condescending smirk while pulling Rachel closer.

"Oh, um, well this is Finn, my ex-boyfriend. I think I've mentioned him." Rachel told her girlfriend, not bothering to put any space between them.

Cassandra smiled lovingly down at Rachel and gave her a small peck on the lips, "I do believe you may have forgotten to mention him, as I don't recall us talking about any baboons."

"Hey!" Finn yelled getting frustrated. This wasn't going the way he had planned it. Rachel was just supposed to fall into his arms once again, not kiss mean blondes. He was the only one who got to kiss mean blondes.

Rachel sighed frustrated, "Finn I told you that we are over. We are never ever getting back together again. I've moved on and found someone else. Someone who likes me for me, and doesn't want to change me. Heck, she even has a Barbra collection almost as big as mine. Can you even imagine that? I have finally found someone who not only gets me but honestly enjoys the same things I do. There is no way on the Earth that I would ever get back with someone like you."

Rachel stepped out of Cassandra's arms and laid a gentle hand on the confused boy's arm, "Look, we can still be friends. I know it won't be the same and it may take some time, but if you truly do care about me then you will let me be happy," she gave Cassie a small smile, "and Finn she really does make me happy."

Finn stepped away from the two women allowing them to enter the apartment. He still couldn't believe this, but Rachel had been right. He would have to let her go. She would come back to him, she always did.

He stood there in the door as they moved into the apartment. It was like they had forgotten that he was even there. Cassandra set down her purse and pulled Rachel into an embrace. Finn couldn't hear what was being said but the look on Rachel's face was one he had never seen before. It was such unbridled joy that not even he could mistake its meaning. The rejected boy slammed the door shut as he stormed out of the building before finally collapsing on the street. All he could think of was the ridicule he would get for turning both of his high school girlfriends gay, though the mental images were something he would keep on file for a long time to come.


	5. I Knew You Were Trouble

_**Sorry it's been so long guys! Hit a bit of a writers block wall and couldn't get anything out. I hope you enjoy this and review please! Thank You!**_

Unlike most children a young Rachel Berry already knew what she was destined for, Broadway. At the young age of four she set out to perfect every song from her favorite musical Funny Girl when most four year olds were running around getting into trouble.

It was only natural for Rachel to follow her dreams throughout the rest of her life. It may not have been conducive to being a teenager and having friends, but it was all she needed. Of course no one ever thought she would achieve what she fought so hard for, but when Rachel heard about a new groundbreaking musical holding open call auditions, she knew she would finally be where she belonged.

As usual no one believed in her. Despite being adults in college she was still ridiculed for even signing up to audition, but she didn't care. She knew she was good enough and she proved herself right when she got the call. She'd been cast as Wendla, the female lead.

The buzz around school about the new musical was exciting to Rachel. Everyone was begging her for information but she refused to tell anyone, even Cassie, claiming the best part about seeing something new was not knowing what would happen and she was right.

Rachel sighed as she paced around her dressing room. The word nervous wasn't usually in her vocabulary, but it had quickly reasserted itself into her life. It was her first Broadway show and everyone would be there: Kurt, Santana, Quinn, her fathers, Shelby, and Cassie. The pressure was too much. She just knew she was going to trip and fall and never land another role again.

Suddenly, the door to her dressing room was pushed open and there stood her saving grace. "Schwimmer, stop pacing or you'll wear a hole in their ridiculously ugly carpeting. You're going to be fine."

"How do you know? God, I just know I'm going to trip. I'm going to ruin my career and humiliate myself, I just know it!" Rachel sobbed.

"Rachel Barbra Berry, snap out of it!" Cassie yelled as she grabbed her by the shoulders, effectively stopping the oncoming tears. "You are one of a kind. You're not going to trip. You'll be fantastic and we both know you know that. Just get out there and be the actress inside of you wanting to burst out."

Rachel smiled shyly and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. "You're wonderful, you know that right? Same time tomorrow?"

Cassie rolled her eyes. "Of course, you know I will always be here."

"I love you." Rachel whispered nervously. She'd uttered those words so many times before but she knew this time was different. This was real.

"I've gotta go, the show is going to start soon." Placing a quick kiss atop Rachel's head, Cassie rushed out of the room.

Rachel was devastated. She'd taken the leap and uttered those three simple words only to be shot down. She'd thought Cassie loved her. She thought she saw it in her eyes but she'd been wrong but before she could truly process it she was being ushered out of her dressing room and onto her mark.

The next day at school had been wonderful. Endless praise was all around but she couldn't fully enjoy it. Not only had Cassie not declared her love back to her but she'd completely blown her off after the show and hadn't spoken to her since.

Finally, Rachel walked into the classroom she loved the most to find Brody in Cassie's place. "Where's Cassie?" Rachel whispered to the T.A.

"She said something about not feeling well so I'm not really sure. Cassie is pretty private about things." Brody shrugged.

Rachel was confused. Why wouldn't Cassie teach class? So, figuring something had to be wrong, Rachel decided to make sure she was okay.

_**At Cassie's place**_

Rachel knocked on Cassie's door. "Cassie? Are you there?"

Suddenly, the door was flung open. "What do you want Schwimmer?"

Taking a slight step backwards, Rachel whispered, "Brody said you weren't feeling well, I came to check on you."

"Shouldn't you be with that douche bag you call a male lead?" Cassie spat back at her.

"What the hell are you taking about?" Rachel asked in disbelief, no longer in shock over Cassie's sudden attitude towards her.

"You could have warned me about the sex scene Rachel. You think I don't know how these things work? You meet back up with someone from your past, you feel that chemistry again, and then you get back together. I'm not some little kid, I know how life works." Cassie said.

Rachel chuckled, not quite believing what she was hearing. "You think I want to get back together with Jesse St. James just because we had a brief acquaintance in high school? Did I forget to mention the part where he egged me when I was quite out there about being vegan? I told you I love you."

"If it's not him it'll be that oversized lumpy cream puff. Maybe it's better if we take some time apart?" Cassie suggested without really giving Rachel a choice.

Rachel wasn't normally one to give in so easily. She believed in fighting for love but the shock was too much. She didn't understand what was going on so the only thing she could do was comply. "F-fine."

"Fine." Cassie spat out and slammed the door leaving a confused and broken Rachel standing alone in the hallway she used to love.

_**At Rachel's Apartment**_

"I think – I think when it's all over, it just comes back in flashes, you know? It's like a kaleidoscope of memories. It just all comes back but she never does. I think part of me knew the second I saw her that this would happen. It's not really anything she said or anything she did, it was the feeling that came along with it. And the crazy thing is, I don't know if I'm ever gonna feel that way again, but I don't know if I should. I knew her world moved too fast and burned too bright, but I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you towards someone who looks so much like an angel when she smiles at you? Maybe she knew that when she saw me. I guess I just lost my balance. I think the worst part of it all wasn't losing her. It was losing me." Rachel sighed as her rant stopped. She'd come home to wallow in her pity alone but Santana had surprisingly seemed to care.

"What the fuck Rachel? Did you memorize that entire thing?" Santana simply shook her head; leave it to Rachel Berry to memorize the opening to a Taylor Swift break up song.

"It's true Santana. She has never been more right because all I can think of are those four experiences. All I can think is how happy we were and then how quickly she broke my heart. I have a new found respect for Taylor Swift and you cannot judge me for it." Rachel huffed and Santana knew that if the small girl had been standing, she would have stomped her foot.

Santana sighed, she knew she should have just kept moving. "Just stop thinking about her. She was a bitch and you knew that from the very beginning."

"I can't stop thinking about her though! I loved her and she didn't love me back! How do you get over that?" Rachel whined.

"Rachel Barbra Berry, we are going out tonight. We are in New York City, the city that never sleeps, it's time to have some fun and get your mind off of you know who. Come on bitch, go get dressed!" Santana grinned and pushed Rachel up off the couch. She knew how to fix everything but first, she would have to get some change.


	6. Better Than Revenge

_**Sorry for taking so long to update. I have been wedged between writers block and a three year old that likes to crawl in my bed at two in the morning and keep me awake until he goes back to his parents at five. I was finally able to get my inspiration and time to meet up and this came out. I hope you all enjoy and please review! Thanks!**_

Love is easy for most people. It's something they long for as children and give away easily as teenagers but when they get older it sticks. It grows into something more and before they know it, it grows into something more and they're spending the rest of their life with that special person.

It wasn't that easy for Cassandra July. Love was her enemy. It betrayed her as a child, with a missing father and always drunk mother she craved attention from. It continued to betray her as an adult but the tipping point was not only a defining moment in her life but also the end of her career on Broadway.

Music and theater was her substitute. It gave her the love she needed until it was no longer there for her. That's when the drinking began. It became her new love and a way to push people away until Rachel Berry stepped into her classroom.

She wasn't sure how it happened or even why she let it happen but she knew she liked it. She liked the stolen touches, the meaningless conversation they had over dinner, and the way Rachel would intertwine their fingers and hold them against her chest but she was scared. It wouldn't be long until Rachel uttered those three simple words but Cassie wasn't sure she could handle it. She didn't know if she could love the girl the way she deserved or even at all.

She didn't want to disappoint the younger girl so she resolved to support her for as long as possible even if Rachel wouldn't tell her or let her find out what the musical she'd been cast in was about. She was nervous about the surprise but she knew she needed to deal with it for Rachel.

It wasn't long until the musical was ready to be shown to the public and Cassie was excited. She knew Rachel was destined for great things but she also knew that Rachel would be getting herself worked up and that she had to stop it.

Cassie took in a deep breath before pushing open the door to Rachel's dressing room. "Schwimmer, stop pacing or you'll wear a hole in their ridiculously ugly carpeting. You're going to be fine."

"How do you know? God, I just know I'm going to trip. I'm going to ruin my career and humiliate myself, I just know it!" Rachel sobbed.

"Rachel Barbra Berry, snap out of it!" Cassie yelled as she grabbed her by the shoulders, effectively stopping the oncoming tears. "You are one of a kind. You're not going to trip. You'll be fantastic and we both know you know that. Just get out there and be the actress inside of you wanting to burst out."

Rachel smiled shyly and wrapped her arms around her Cassie. "You're wonderful, you know that right? Same time tomorrow?"

Cassie rolled her eyes. She thought it was absolutely ridiculous when Rachel asked her to snap her out of her mind every night before the performance but she agreed anyway. "Of course, you know I will always be here."

"I love you." Rachel whispered nervously.

"I've gotta go, the show is going to start soon." Placing a quick kiss atop Rachel's head, Cassie rushed out of the room. She wasn't ready for those words yet. She wasn't ready for the love she saw in Rachel's eyes or the love she felt in their kisses.

Cassie tried to shake the feeling of dread. She knew she felt the same way about the tiny girl but she knew love would betray her and it did. Joining Rachel on stage would be the infamous Jesse St. James. Cassie knew he would be there but what she didn't know would be was the look on Rachel's face. It was the same one she saw when they were draped across each other on the couch in Cassie's living room watching Funny girl. It was pure love.

Cassie was devastated. The rest of the play was lost to the deafening roar of tears she refused to cry. It wasn't until the sex scene that the tears came and Cassie left. The reality was too much. With all the time they would be spending together pretending to have sex there was no doubt that it wouldn't become real.

The real magic in love wasn't falling into it. It was being thrown out of it. One moment you're saying I love you and the next you're avoiding each other. It's not the process of falling in love that even matters. That's all inconsequential. It happens differently for everyone. Sometimes it's not a process, it's a look or a touch and you're gone. The most important part of love is staying in it. It's staying in that moment where you felt the most love, the place where you go when everything gets bad but Cassie knew it was impossible. She could already feel the moment slipping.

Cassie knew if she saw Rachel she would probably end up breaking down so she decided to stay away. That's what she had T.A's for after all but after only twenty minutes of time she was supposed to be in class there was a knock at her door.

"Cassie, are you there?" Rachel called from the other side of the door.

Cassie growled and stormed over to the door. She wasn't supposed to be there. They were supposed to avoid each other for as long as possible until it was okay again. "What do you want Schwimmer?"

Cassie flinched as she watched Rachel take a small step back in shock. "Brody said you weren't feeling well, I came to check on you."

"Shouldn't you be with that douche bag you call a male lead?" Cassie spat back at her. She could feel the pain rising in her chest and she wanted to cry but she refused to let anyone see her cry.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Rachel asked in disbelief, no longer in shock over Cassie's sudden attitude towards her.

"You could have warned me about the sex scene Rachel. You think I don't know how these things work? You meet back up with someone from your past, you feel that chemistry again, and then you get back together. I'm not some little kid, I know how life works." Cassie said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Rachel chuckled, not quite believing what she was hearing. "You think I want to get back together with Jesse St. James just because we had a brief acquaintance in high school? Did I forget to mention the part where he egged me when I was quite out there about being vegan? I told you I love you."

"If it's not him it'll be that oversized lumpy cream puff. Maybe it's better if we take some time apart?" Cassie suggested without really giving Rachel a choice. She needed time to think and possibly get over the small girl and let her move on to someone without so much baggage.

Rachel wasn't normally one to give in so easily. She believed in fighting for love but the shock was too much. She didn't understand what was going on so the only thing she could do was comply. "F-fine."

"Fine." Cassie spat out and slammed the door leaving a confused and broken Rachel standing alone in the hallway while she stormed back into her living room where her true love was awaiting her. Ignoring the glass, Cassie snatched up the bottle of whiskey and fell back into the comfort of her blankets. Maybe her mother had found love after all


	7. The Story Of Us

_**So, I've been a bit blocked and this is what came out so don't hate me if it sucks lol. I hope you enjoy and please review!**_

"Sometimes love slips away. It runs to a place where we can no longer find it but we need it. We need it so bad it hurts but it just goes away and we don't know what to do anymore. Our lives become centered around this ideal of love and we strive for it but it never really strives for us. The worst part isn't never finding love. It's finding a love so simple that you never want it to end but you lose it anyway. It never comes back and it just hurts. The worst part is losing yourself to love and never finding who you are again because love just slipped away and it's just gone and so are you." Rachel sighed as she came to a stop in front of her next class.

"You miss her, huh?" Kurt asked sympathetically. He didn't care for their relationship, he did warn her, but he would rather them be together than hear her babbling on about it.

Rachel nodded her head solemnly. "Yeah, I thought it was getting better but then the weekend ended and now I have to see her in class, if she's even here."

"Oh, she's here. I heard about it in Adams Apples rehearsals. Apparently she's being a huge bitch and there's rumors going around that she's back on the juice." Kurt whispered conspiratorially, momentarily forgetting who he was talking to.

"Oh, um, I guess I should get going." Taking a deep breath Rachel pushed the door open and quietly put her things down.

"I've assigned partners so partner up! Schwimmer, take a seat. We're short today." Cassie barked from her position next to the mirrors.

"Great." Rachel mumbled and made her way over to a seat. Something's never change no matter how much you try.

**Later that day.**

Rachel sighed and plopped down on their beat up couch. "I thought love was supposed to be great. It's supposed to be like a fairytale that you tell to your kids and grandkids."

"I take it she hasn't come around?" Santana asked from her position in the kitchen.

"No!" Rachel yelled incredulously. "It's not even that she hasn't realized that she totally crazy, it's that she hasn't realized that bullying me isn't the way to go about life. If she doesn't want to see me that bad then she should talk to Carmen about getting me moved to another class."

"Well, maybe she does want to see you. Did you ever think about that? Maybe she loves you but she's scared. What if she doesn't know how to love and she's just waiting on you to make her love you." Santana suggested with a shrug.

Rachel huffed, she hated it when Santana was right but she'd be damned if she would admit it. "Then she should have talked to me about it instead of humiliating me. Maybe I should just give up. I'll get five cats and adopt a kid so I can tell them the stories of how their mother failed at love."

Santana scoffed and stirred whatever it was she was making. "Once upon a time, your mommy fell in love with a bunch of people and they all dumped me because I'm a clingy maniac. Yeah, great plan Berry."

"You're such a bitch!" Rachel spat back.

Santana giggled. "Whoa, kitty has claws! Seriously, just chill out. Love will come to you when it's ready. If you try to force it then you'll never be happy. It's like this chili; if I try to make it cook faster it won't taste nearly as good as it should. Just wait it out."

"When did you get so insightful and why are you making chili?" Rachel asked as she pulled herself off the couch to inspect the amazing smelling food.

"I've always been insightful. I just didn't give a damn before and I'm making chili because it taste great and it's cold outside. Want some?" Santana offered.

"Yes please." Rachel smiled sheepishly and held a bowl out in front of her.

"Just give it time." Santana told her as she filled the girl's bowl.

"I guess I just thought we would last but now she doesn't even talk to me unless she's insulting me and she doesn't even do that. I had this silly fantasy of growing old together and having kids and telling them the story of us but it's just a tragedy now. I don't know what to do anymore." Rachel said as she took the bowl and sat at the table.

"Like I said, just give it time. I was scared once. Don't you remember how badly I hurt Britt because I was so afraid of what was happening? I came around though and just because Britt and I aren't even together anymore doesn't mean that's how you and Cassandra will turn out. Just, stop thinking about it and eat some chili." Santana ordered as she took a bowl for herself. "Besides, _you _are a tragedy Rachel. At least your clothes got better."


	8. Back To December On Your White Horse

**_I am so sorry it has taken me so long to update. I've gotten caught up in the excitement of writing a book and it is quite possible that I will update less frequently so I would appreciate as much patience as you can spare. I hope you enjoy this and review!_**

_Hey, this is Cassie. I'm sure you already know that though. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. That will never be enough but it's true and I-I do love you and I hate myself for doing what I did. If you still love me then meet me at Julie's at eight Wednesday night._

Rachel sighed and pocketed her phone as she quietly tiptoed to the front door. She didn't like having to sneak around but it was the only way to save herself from the lecture she would be sure to be subjected to if Santana or Kurt knew where she was going and who she was going to see.

Stopping in the hallway Rachel quickly slipped her heels on and set out to the little café right down the street. She wasn't sure what was going to happen, but she knew that she couldn't let herself give in so easily. In the past she may have been forgiving but she knew she couldn't be if she wanted to protect her heart. Cassie already broke her heart once and if it happened again Rachel knew she would be doomed.

Hesitating outside the door Rachel considered her options. It would be simple to just turn around and pretend she never got the voicemail but she knew she couldn't. She needed to hear what Cassie had to say so instead of turning around and running for the hills she slowly turned the knob and slowly made her way to the table she knew Cassie would be seated at.

"Hi" Rachel said simply.

Cassie looked up, surprise showing clearly on her face. She obviously hadn't expected Rachel to show up. "Rachel, I'm so glad you came. Please, have a seat."

Rachel smiled awkwardly and took her seat across from the blonde woman. "How have you been?"

"I've missed you. I can't stop thinking about you and how much I fucked us up. I was scared. I've never felt this way before." Cassie sighed and took a calming sip of her coffee.

Rachel shrugged and folded her hands in her lap. "This isn't a movie you can't just come back on your white horse and expect everything to be okay. I told you I love you and you just brushed me off. You humiliated me in front of everyone, again. I don't think I can take you breaking my heart again."

"I know. I know that but can't we just try? Everything I have ever loved had turned its back on me and I didn't want to happen with you but I ended up doing it to you. Just give me a chance." Cassie pleaded.

"Give me some time okay? Maybe we can start with breakfast tomorrow morning as friends?" Rachel suggested with a shrug. She knew she was probably making the wrong decision but the part of her that loves and forgives told her that it was healthy to forgive and move on.

"That sounds great." Cassie beamed from across the table.

Rachel sighed and in compromise with the other half of her said, "This is a strictly friendly breakfast and nothing more. I don't know if we'll ever be anything more."

"I understand. We're just friends." Cassie nodded in agreement.

"I've got to get going. I've got an early show tomorrow so I'll see you later." Flashing a quick smile Rachel stood and made her way out of the café not bothering to hear Cassie's goodbye. She did need to be home but more than anything she just wanted to get away from the more than friendly smile Cassie was shooting her and the desperately hopeful look in the blonde's eyes. She wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen but she knew there would be hell to pay either way.


	9. I Almost Do

_**I felt pretty bad for not writing for so long so I finally did. I'm sorry it's been so long but I started writing a book and it's pretty time consuming. I'll try to write more but I don't know if I will succeed. I need a bit of help with another project so British applicants please apply. :D Anyway, I hope you enjoy!**_

Letting her finger hover over the call button Rachel sighed. Cassie had apologized to her over a week ago, but she couldn't let go. She wouldn't let herself get hurt again, and getting back together with Cassie meant that possibility.

Setting her phone down, and moving over to the window Rachel watched as the gently falling snow began to finally caress the chilled pavement. It was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen, and yet the moment was lost on her, thoughts of Cassie, memories of the terrible moments that brought her to where she was, and the desires caught by her dreams swirled throughout her head more like a blizzard than the peaceful weather outside.

Ever since the day Cassie rejected her, tore her apart, Santana and Kurt were insufferable. Yes, they were trying to be her friends when they warned her about Cassie, but was her broken heart not enough for them? Did they not find satisfaction in every tear shed from her crying eyes? It was obvious it wasn't enough for them, and Rachel would hate to hear what they would say if they knew about her visit with the older woman. It would be full of negative words of that she had no doubt.

In some ways they were right. Cassie had broken her heart, but only because she'd been afraid of their love. Rachel knew that it had been a moment of weakness, a moment of doubt, but she couldn't let herself give in. She wouldn't risk another goodbye.

"Rachel? What are you doing up so late?" Santana rasped from behind her.

Quickly tucking her phone in her pocket Rachel turned to face her. "I needed a glass of water, but I couldn't go back to sleep." She lied. "What are you doing awake?"

"I thought I heard something moving out here, but I guess it was just you." Santana shrugged and moved the kettle to the sick to fill with water. "What are you really doing up?"

"I told you, I needed some water. I just couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to watch the snow fall." Rachel crossed to the other side of the kitchen, and slid two mugs from the spot in the cabinet.

Santana sighed, and rolled her eyes. "Come on. I know you Rachel. Something else was going through that giant brain of yours so out with it."

"You know the size of the brain actually has nothing to do with it, but either way I thank you for your generous compliment. I wasn't thinking of anything Santana. Look for yourself, the snow fall is quite beautiful." Rachel pointed to the window as she slipped a tea bag in each mug.

"You were thinking about Cassie weren't you? That's why you're trying to avoid the subject, huh? I thought you moved on." Picking up the kettle with a pot holder Santana carefully poured the steaming hot water into the cups.

Rachel sighed, and moved to the table. "Have you ever been so in love you just know everything is going to work out? And they do. Things go great, but then one day everything changes, and suddenly nothing is what you thought it was. They're your best friend though, and you just want to pick up the phone, and call them, and you almost do but the risk of getting hurt is too much?"

"I was in love with Brittany. Of course I know how that feels, but sometimes you just have to let go. Sometimes it hurts more to hang on than it does to let go. If she really loves you, she'll do anything to get you back." Santana shrugged.

"I saw her last week at Julie's." She began slowly, holding her hand up to stop the rant she knew was bubbling up inside of Santana. "She wants to try again, and she's sorry. She panicked. It was a moment of weakness, but I told her we're just friends. I- I don't know if I can put myself out there again. I don't want either of us to hurt anymore."

"What the fuck Rachel? You gave Finn at the very least three chances, probably more, but you can't give Cassie a second one? Yes, she hurt you, but she loves you. Don't make the same mistake I did with Britt. Don't let her go. Now get the fuck out of here, and go get your girl." Santana demanded.

Rachel smiled, and set her cup down. "Thank you so much Santana. You're not so bad after all."

"Damn right I'm not. I'm awesome!" Santana yelled over her shoulder.

Rachel chuckled as she slipped on a pair of shoes, and grabbed her coat from the rack. "That you are San, that you are."


End file.
